#personally i use multiple depending on what i feel like using at any given moment

[golbrocklovely]

guardian angel // colby brock

A/N: hey yall, hope you're enjoying my 13 nights so far! this fic was really fun to write and i'm excited to see what you guys think. let me know and happy haunting :)

prompt: you are colby's guardian angel, and have been watching over him his entire life. suddenly you learn that he's going to die, much sooner than you thought. it's against the rules, but you must save him. || colby brock x fem!reader

trigger warning: angst, cursing, colby (almost) dies, heaven is like an office setting lol, time jump, happy ending

word count: 4182

~~~~~~~~~~

Being a guardian angel was no easy feat. Many angels weren’t cut out for the job; too many rules and regulations, too much of a numbers game. But I, Y/N, was born for it.

No literally, God created me to be a guardian angel. And I was the best one around. I had been one for eons, millenniums. I was the top ranking amongst my division. I prided myself on my clean and non-rule breaking record. Being a guardian angel was basically a full time job. Constantly watching over your person, making sure to lead them in the right direction, lend a helping hand when you could… it took up a lot of time. And luckily for humans, angels never needed sleep.

Guardian angels had a very strict job. And if done right, when your person would pass on you were allowed to guide them into the light, let them know how you cared for them, and help them find peace once moved on. It was a job I had become good at. One I had done millions of times.

Then I was tasked with a new human to watch over. His name is Colby Brock.

His early years were pretty uneventful. Most humans' childhoods are. I watched him as he went through all the milestones: his first crush, school, puberty, his angsty phase - that somehow never left - and many other little moments. Everything about his life, and what it was going to be, was written out. Of course humans had free will and the ability to change things, but certain situations were destined.

In particular, his meeting of Sam Golbach.

They were destined to be lifelong friends, business partners, and platonic soulmates. Interestingly however, when they did meet, Colby’s death meter spiked for a moment.

A death meter, as its name sounds, measured the amount of death surrounding a person at any given time. I realized that Sam, while extremely important in Colby’s life, might lead him down certain paths he wouldn’t have taken on his own; which of course could always lead to his early demise.

But I trusted Sam, not only because he was a good person, but because his guardian angel was good at their job as well. Not as good as me, of course...

As time slowly ticked on day by day, year by year, I had this feeling inside of myself. One that I had noticed in many humans but never experienced personally. I for one was an angel, and human emotions weren’t exactly something that came easily to us. But this one… was inherent in everything living.

I had grown to love him. I loved all of my persons that I had cared for over my time as a GA, but he was something different. And the love I felt for him was too.

I watched Colby grow up, struggle. He was hard on himself a lot, internally and externally. I tried my best to send him love in many ways, and sometimes they would help. But it was temporary. There were times I wanted to reach out, to help him more. To maybe even speak directly to him in ways that weren’t allowed.

Guardian angels and humans weren’t meant to speak to one another, unless in the very rare occasion of psychics. But true psychics…. They had once been angels too. That was our punishment for breaking rules: you lost your angel privileges and became human. Depending on how many rules you broke, you would spend multiple cycles being a human, going through the ups and downs over and over again. It was described as a terrible existence in a way, far beyond one of just a normal human. And maybe if you paid your dues you could become an angel again, but there was no guarantee.

I knew my love for Colby was odd in multiple ways. I shouldn’t have felt this for him, this ache in my (what would be) heart, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to protect him, to make sure he was okay every moment of every day. And it was far beyond what my job required. But I didn’t care.

He had had many scares before, coming a little too close to death for my liking. I would peak into the future in those times, seeing if he would come out the other side. And luckily he always did. He was only 27 years old, and had many years left to live from what I saw.

But then he made the wrong choice.

Sam and Colby were ghost hunters, a first for any human I was a GA for. I watched them go from place to place, the death meter spiking at random. Truly, since this career pivot, my job had become a constant heart attack waiting to happen.

If I could get one of those, of course.

And one day, the death meter went to a high voltage; one that was only reserved for when someone was dying that very day.

I glared, puzzled at the device. Surely this was a mistake. He had years to go, many things to accomplish. There was no way he was dying.

I flipped his book open, reading the words carefully. He was hunting at a random location in Wyoming, a place called the Seesaw Inn. It was old, decrepit, and definitely was a safety hazard.

I read ahead quickly, needing to know what was going to happen, because in the current time, him and Sam were just walking around with the owner, getting a feel for the place. But his story continued on past that point and into the night. On the last page of his book, it spelt out the way he would go: Colby entered the third floor, walking towards room 312. Both boys were told how this room was one of the most haunted, and Colby - losing to a game of rock, paper, scissors - was tasked with going into the room alone and standing out on the balcony to see if he could catch a lady in white appear down below. As he stepped onto the balcony, he noticed how creaky the railing of the balcony was. He shrugged it off, turning his camera on and speaking to it softly. “Guys, I’m out here on Room 312’s balcony. Sam is in the basement, doing a solo onvoy investigation, and I’m supposed to call out to the woman in white. I swear if I see her, I’m shitting myself.” He turned the camera to himself, smiling, and leaned slightly on the railing. It suddenly cracked under the pressure of his weight, Colby letting out a shriek. As he tried to catch his footing, he slipped further and over the railing. Then, he fell, hitting his hea-

I stopped reading, gasping at words. No, no no. This couldn't be happening. There's no way he's dying tonight. How is that even possible? He had a whole life to live! This must have been a mistake.

Vida, Sam's guardian angel, rushed up to me. "Y/N, did you see? Colby's gonna di-"

"Yes I did, Vida. I know." I hushed her, looking around our office quickly, hoping no one noticed.

"I can't believe it. I was looking ahead in Sam's future and saw things change." She sighed deeply, "He's gonna need me now more than ever after this."

"No, he won't," I jumped up from my seat. "Because I'm not gonna let this happen."

"What are you talking about, Y/N? You can't change it. It's set in stone." Vida argued, shaking her head.

I began walking hastily towards the elevators. "Yesterday it wasn't. He was gonna live a whole life! And now, because he plans to lean against some rickety old railing, he dies? Not on my watch."

"You can't just go down there and change things. That's not how we help them." She explained.

I glanced back at her, "There's not enough time for me to change his fate. Unless I physically do so."

"But if you go down there...." Her voice fell softly, "you're done. You won't be allowed back."

"I know. But I can't just let him die. Too many people rely on him. There is so much more harm that will come from his passing." I swallowed hard as my eyes locked onto the elevators, "I can't.... watch him die and do nothing."

"I've never seen you like this, in all my years of being a GA." She murmured.

I took a deep breath, hitting the elevator button down. I turned to her, looking into her eyes deeply, "Just make sure the next GA he gets is nice to him, okay? He really needs us sometimes. So make sure they actually listen to him."

"I will." She nodded her head, leaning in quickly and giving me a tight hug. "Goodbye, Y/N."

"Bye, Vida. It was nice knowing you." I pulled away from her, hearing the doors open.

I entered the elevator, clicking the first floor level. As the elevator descended, I imagined Colby and where he was in this moment. I only had a couple more minutes until his demise. I needed to rush to him, and fast.

Finally the last 'ding' of the elevator clicked. As the doors opened, I looked around my surroundings. It was right outside the Seesaw Inn. I had to get to Colby quickly, so I began flying towards room 312's balcony. I knew he would be there any moment, the clocking ticking down fast.

I stepped over the railing, landing softly onto the balcony. I hid in the corner, right behind where the door would open. A moment passed and Colby came into the room soundly. He mumbled something to himself, walking over to the balcony door and swinging it open.

As he stepped onto the balcony, he glanced at the railing. He shrugged, turning the camera to him and speaking quietly. "Guys, I’m out here on Room 312’s balcony. Sam is in the basement, doing a solo onvoy investigation, and I’m supposed to call out to the woman in white. I swear if I see her, I’m shitting myself.” He turned the camera to himself, smiling, and leaned slightly on the railing. As he began to fall forward, a yell escaping his lips, I grabbed the back of his jacket, holding him back. I yanked him back into the room, knocking him onto the floor.

He shuttered out a cry, gazing up at me in fear, ""W-What the f-fuck?!"

I raised my hands up, "Calm down, Colby. It's alright."

Colby crawled backwards away from me, bumping into the desk nearby. "W-Who are you and how did you get up here? You shouldn't be here."

I stepped into the room but kept my distance from him. I was suddenly overcome with frustration, narrowing my eyes. "Do you know how dangerous that balcony is? You could have died! I mean, you were literally meant to, and all of this over a game of rock-paper-scissors?!"

"Who the hell are you? Did you follow us here?" He stood up quickly, his stance tense.

"You're not gonna believe me when I say this, but I'm your guardian angel. And I just saved your life." I explained plainly.

He paused, his face scrunching, "...My what?"

"Guardian angel. You believe in those, right? At least from what I can tell, you do. So this shouldn't be that much of a shock to you." I half-heartedly laughed.

Colby shook his head, confused. "No... no. You're just some fan that snuck in. You shouldn't be here. You have to leave."

"Do I need to show you my wings to prove to you I'm real?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes, "What? Yeah, sure."

I shrugged, acknowledging his snarky attitude, and fluttered my wings out. The room illuminated with the subtle glow of my wings. Colby stepped back, dropping his camera onto the bed. His eyes were widened in fear and awe.

He kept his eyes on them, "H-Holy... shit."

"I wasn't lying, Colby. I am your guardian angel, and you were supposed to die just then." I stated, slowly folding my wings back up.

He sat down, almost falling onto the bed; the wind being kicked out of him. "There's no way."

"The railing of the balcony is weak, and you were supposed to lean against it, and fall to your death. But I stopped that from happening." I walked over to the railing, Colby's eyes trailing after me curiously. I pushed against the railing, and it broke apart, failing over the balcony. Colby's heart stopped for a moment, his eyes taking everything in.

He swallowed hard, staring at the ground in bewilderment. "Fuck."

"Make sure to sue the person that owns this building for negligence... or something. I'm not entirely sure how human laws work, so just make sure you get some compensation out of your almost death." I remarked, exhaling.

I began to walk towards the door, Colby's voice stopping me. "Wait! Why did you save me?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Why?"

"I mean, I figure because you're my... angel, you're supposed to. But why now? Was I not supposed to die?" He questioned, stepping towards me.

"Guardian angels are only supposed to help when you reach out first. Technically what I just did breaks the rule. Actually the biggest rule of them all: don't stop death. We're not supposed to do things like that." I commented, "It kind of fucks with timelines and whatnot."

"But you did it." He breathed.

I nodded. "Yes, I did."

"Why?" Colby whispered.

I took a deep breath, getting close to him slowly. "You are extremely important, Colby. There are so many things left in this world that I know you need to get to. And I don't know why your path changed so quickly, but I knew I had to stop it before it was too late. I couldn't watch you die. I... care about you too much. And so do many others. And I made the executive decision that it wasn't your time to go just yet."

His eyes welled up for a moment, "Thank you. I don't think I'm even remotely ready to die."

"Most aren't. But at least you know now is not your time." I leaned up sweetly, kissing his cheek. "Goodbye Colby."

He held my hand gently, and I felt my being go warm. "Will I ever see you again?"

"Probably not. I'm actually gonna be in huge trouble once I get back upstairs. They'll most like reassign me to someone else," I lied. "So you'll have a new guardian angel. But I'll still check on you from time to time."

He bit his lip. "I don't even know what to say."

"It's okay. There isn't much you can. By the way, the footage on that camera is a no go... can't exactly have people knowing we're around like this." I snapped my fingers, the camera making a bunch of weird clicking noises and then shutting off.

He picked up the camera, looking it over. "Did you delete all of the footage?"

"No. I actually gave you a little present on there so... you're welcome. I guess." I chuckled, walking into the hallway.

I waltzed towards the elevator for the Inn, an up button appear on the panel, glowing a dim white light. I clicked it, waiting for the doors to open.

He cocked his head, squinting his eyes at the doors. "The elevator doesn't work."

It softly 'dinged' and I smirked over at him. "It does for me."

He raced up to the doors, his eyes locking with mine. "I never caught your name."

My breath hitched, tears brimming at my eyes. I shouldn't feel sadness, but in this moment I did. Because I knew once I left him, I would never see him again. I turned my head to him, smiling as brightly as I could. "Y/N. My name is Y/N."

He smiled back. "Goodbye, Y/N."

"Goodbye Colby." I choked back a cry, "I love you."

~~~~

20 Years Later

Most angels, when turned into humans, lose all of their memories when it comes to their past lives. Especially guardian angels. We aren't meant to remember a thing about what we once were.

I was somehow blessed, or cursed, with remembering it all.

After being berated by management, I was turned into a human. I lived a relatively normal life, full of the usual heartache and suffering. And over time I became less of an angel and more human as the years went on.

Luckily for me, they didn't make me start out as a baby. I came down to Earth as a freshly new adult. I was now 34, working part time retail and part time in a bar in downtown Los Angeles.

So I was, essentially, sent to hell in at least one way.

I originally kept tabs on Colby, but slowly as time went on I stopped. It was hard to constantly watch him from the sidelines enjoy his life, even though that's what I used to do. I did check on him every so often, seeing how life was treating him. And he seemed fine; happy, even. And that's all I had wanted for him. I never went searching for him. I didn't think it was smart for me to do so. It all hurt too much that he was so close yet so far away at the same time.

But God always finds the sense of humor in things.

I wiped down the counter of the bar, getting rid of the droplets of alcohol left behind from the previous drink I made. Today had been slow, a regular Tuesday night. Things would start picking up some once it got later, but as of 10 pm, it made sense for it to be dead in the bar.

I heard the door to the bar cling open, a man walking towards the bar confidently. I barely registered him, stepping over to the touch screen to enter his order.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" I asked.

"Just a beer. Corona." The man's deep voice stated.

"Sounds like a good choice." I looked up at him, my eyes widening once I finally took him in. I could spot that face from anywhere. "Colby?"

He smiled meekly, giving a soft laugh. "God, I haven't gone by that in a while."

"Holy shit..." I studied his face; he looked oddly the same, just a bit older. Wrinkles and lines had etched itself kindly into his features, his hair no longer the emo cut he once had, but now pushed back. He had some facial hair, a mustache and goatee, that appeared to be lightly graying. He still dressed like he used to, all black.

"Do I know you from somewhere? Or are you a fan... of me?" He questioned hesitantly, handing me his card to pay for his drink.

"Um, yeah. You could say that." I choked out a laugh, swiping his card. "I used to watch you and Sam all the time back in the youtube days. But I haven't paid attention to you in a while, if I am honest."

"I'm not that interesting, so you didn't miss out on much," he smirked. "But I'm surprised. You look so young, I would have thought you knew me for my music."

"I did listen to your first album. It was a banger." I grinned.

His dimples appeared as he smiled back. "Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that."

I grabbed his Corona from the fridge, popping it open and handing it to him. "What made you stop doing youtube videos? If you don't mind me asking."

He sat down at the bar, cupping the bottle and taking a swig. "Well, me and Sam had a very close encounter with death. So much so, I was a bit freaked out with making content like that anymore. But then we saw the footage we caught, a full on apportion, and we stuck around a bit longer after that. We were all over the news, as proof of actual paranormal, which was actually crazy. But slowly over time, even though we were super successful, it became a bit too much for me. Plus, I wanted to settle down, meet someone. Have a family. And Sam felt the same after a while too. So we just... slowly stopped. Went our own ways."

I leaned towards him, "Are you guys still friends?"

He snickered, "Oh yeah. He literally lives next door to me. We get together every other weekend, or whenever we can, and just hang out in my backyard. Watch the kiddos play."

My jaw dropped at his words, "You have kids?"

"Two. Sam's got three, funny enough. My oldest is about to go into fourth grade. My youngest is in kindergarten." He took another sip, smiling. "It's fucking nuts how time flies."

"That's amazing. I know about the music, but didn't you also do some modeling after youtube as well?" I queried.

"Oh yeah, my very short lived modeling career," he mumbled bashfully. "Personally, while it was fun, I got a lot more of an enjoyment out of music."

I nodded, "What does Sam do now?"

"Well, after youtube, he spent a year traveling. Finding himself. Wrote a book about it, wrote another one the following year. Did a Ted Talk that went viral," he laughed. "Then he went on to do behind the scenes stuff, and now he runs his own management company for celebrities."

I raised an eyebrow, "And then found his wife somewhere in all of that?"

"Yep. Same as me." He closed his eyes, thinking, "I was touring, in the middle of my press run for my album, and I met my wife at a party and I just knew she was the one I wanted to be with forever."

My heart fluttered at his words, "That's really sweet. I'm so glad you got to do all of that."

"Yeah..." His voice trailed off, his eyes fixating on the bar. "At one point in time, I didn't think I would."

I replied, "Because of the close encounter?"

He nodded, picking at the label of his beer.

"What happened that night?" I pressed, lowering my voice.

"Well, um... do you want the story we told or the real one?" He questioned, his eyes growing cold.

"Both, if you're up for it." I challenged.

He sighed, "The story we gave is that I went out on the balcony, caught the woman in white, and almost fell off the balcony because of the railing being shit."

"And that's not what happened?" I questioned, already knowing the answer.

"No. I... was saved." He whispered, "By my guardian angel. And then she left, and I never saw her again."

"Did you want to see her again?" I asked, gazing into his eyes.

"Every night I prayed that she would reappear to me. But she never did. Sometimes I think I went crazy that night." He chuckled, "God knows Sam still to this day doesn't full believe me when I tell him what happened."

I breathed, "The railing was really shitty though. Even an ounce of weight would have cracked it."

"Exactly, exact-" He paused, looking up at me puzzled, "Wait how would you know?"

My voice trembled, "Because... I was there that night, Colby."

He shook his head, laughing bitterly. "No, you're not. You're not her."

"Yes I am, Colby. I'm not lying to you." I rebutted, walking around the bar to him.

He stood up, looking me over. "Right, then what's your name?"

"Y/N. My name is Y/N." I answered.

Colby's breath hitched in his throat, his eyes watering instantly. He whispered, "There's no way."

"I was there that night, Colby. I'm the one that saved you." I swallowed hard, holding back tears. "I'm sorry it took me twenty years to see you again."

"Y/N? Is it really you?" He came up to me, his eyes really taking me in, "You look so... human."

"I am," I laughed. "My punishment for breaking the rules."

He scrunched his face, "You told me you would get reassigned."

"I lied. I didn't want you to feel guilty for my decision." I admitted.

"Who watches over me now?" He questioned.

"Someone good, apparently. Since your life has been working out pretty well for you," I smirked. "I made sure that Vida would care to that."

He raised an eyebrow, "Vida?"

"Sam's guardian angel." I mentioned.

Colby grew quiet for a moment, just staring at me. I could feel my face warm as his stare intensified.

His chest heaved, a kind smile growing on his face. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." My eyes welled with tears as I embraced him tightly, his arms wrapping around me instantly. We stood for a moment, just holding one another.

He pulled back, his eyes bright. "Sam's gonna owe me so much money now."

I laughed, Colby joining in cheekily.

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[kerubimcrepin]

Dofus: The Production - reviewing the Xa and Tot interview

pictured: 7yo Joris, 10yo Joris, 60yo Joris, and 584-585yo Joris.

Funnily enough, this interview will touch onto something already mentioned in the artbook I already reviewed.

The origins of Joris as a character.

Sadly, it is machine translated, but I think we'll understand it well enough.

Here we learn that Joris was inspired by Vivi from Final Fantasy. I am sad to report I had never played Final Fantasy, and all my knowledge of him comes from hearsay at best, but Id do find there to be some very funny and twisted parallels between Vivi and Joris, beyond their troubles with lifespans (Vivi's being extremely short, Joris's the opposite...)

Like lol. Lmao even. (laughs fondly at the memory of having drawn fanart of Kerubim and Joris cannibalising one another as symbolism for Kerubim's selfish exploitation of Joris for his own emotional needs and regrets, — and Joris growing to derive pleasure from being exploited by Kerubim, and being a willing participant in the mixture of parentification and infantilization he experiences after the 600 years of living with his dad.)

Anyway,

Joris's progression as a character being "joke character -> character Xa created to be cool and awesome in a moment of inspiration, despite Tot's brief -> he bewitches them both fully" is so funny to me.

I always found it funny that Tot doesn't really see the forest (dofus aux tresors de kerubim) for the trees (child neglect and the psychological horror of Joris Jurgen's entire existence).

Not even going to comment on not knowing what the hell "epic-burlesque" is supposed to mean.

Now we move onto my favourite part of this interview: Tot's thoughts on Joris as a character.

I'm glad he said that they've worked on his life story through multiple centuries. Gives me hope that Tot has given thought to Joris's experiences during Leorictus Sheran-Sharms silly, perhaps even whacky reign.

I want to note the word choice here, — Joris isn't mysterious, but jaded. All of his caginess and "mystique" is attributable in equal part to his distrust of others, cynicism, and exhaustion with the horrible things he has seen throughout his life.

Which would very likely include being cagy even about his class, considering the whole "huppermage gencocide" thing that happened after Leorictus Sheran-Sharm.

The thing about Joris is that it is hard to appraise him from our own point of view. I had always liked how this franchise treats immortal characters, — they are beings with feelings, who make mistakes, who have issues.

But it does not make them any less incomprehensible.

In a way, he is so compelling to me, because I find his existence terrifying — Joris is someone who started out with all these ideas of kindness and justice, but can someone who is 600 years old really uphold them?

Judging from Waven, we know the answer to this question.

I think that with Joris's character, as well as Kerubim and Atcham, one of the major themes is stagnation.

While at times their immortality, and the freedom it provides, is referred to in a bit of an "optimistic nihilism" way,

Especially with the themes and motifs referenced in Aux Tresors de Kerubim, (especially with the ending directly referencing Diane Ardant's monologue,)

It's such a painful mixture of stagnation and endless freedom. There's a horror of never being able to escape, — not from having to experience the horrors of history, not from your own childhood house.

And then there's the horror of moving on from everyone you ever loved. While Kerubim and Joris share this one, I associate it more with Kerubim simply because he is so obsessed with the stories of his youth. It feels as if what was two hundred years ago is just yesterday, to him...

While with Atcham it's just speculation and my own headcanons, the sort of immortality, stagnation related horror I associate with him is dependency. He is not the same, strong person he used to be when he was alone. If he had to go back to Brakmar after all this time, he wouldn't be able to adjust. It's like all this time has declawed him.

Joris never really knew a life outside the all-consuming relationship he has with Kerubim and Atcham, but for Atcham it's different. And with every unchanging year that passes, he settles more and more into this peaceful existence, — and if he were torn away from it, just like Joris and Kerubim, he would not be able to function.

I think that the theoretical endpoint of where Kerubim, Joris, and Atcham could end up is whatever is going between Qilby and Shinonome.

Being one another's only meaning, in a world devoid of meaning, for better or for worse. Probably for worse.

[smileysuh]

Fix You TEASER

🌙 staring. Mingyu x afab!Reader

🔮 synopsis. “As a member of 53V3NT33N, I have two different states of mind coded into me, aggression and admiration. To love something, to admire it, is to feel aggressive when it’s questioned, to want to control it, if even for a little while- it’s the need to consume it, endlessly, as my fans consume and control me as an automaton. Even though I’m a member of a group, there’s a distance. Automatons can never truly motivate each other because our motivations are based on external human needs, it’s built into us- We can see when humans need us, and we do what we can to fix that need… I know you need me, the way I’ve needed you since I got here.”

tw/cw. unprotected sex with an AI robot, virgin!Mingyu, big dick!Mingyu, Mingyu's body is perfect, hand job, blow job, deep throating, pussy eating, fingering, flavored cum, praise, breast worship, switchy/submissive!Mingyu, multiple orgasms, slight overstim, AI slavery/working philosophical issues, risk of AI termination/job loss, technically this relationship isn't very worksafe, etc...

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 15.5k I collab. will be linked on tumblr posting day

🍭 aus. automaton/ai au, ai!Mingyu, robotics behavioral researcher!y/n, wellness center, future au, Promethean theory, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. i was so excited when @idyllic-ghost announced this collab in @svthub. Had a great time creating this world and working with everyone through the Discord server :) The masterlist is coming out July 15, but find the list of creators involved here and join the taglist :) also shoutout to @idyllic-ghost for being my beta reader, it really helped

It’s always kind of sad when you run a new level one automaton through their personalized wellness schedule. You’ve worked with all manner of high-class robots, from athletes to opera singers, but none of them have ever come into your program with the type of preexisting regimented day plan Mingyu has. 

You suppose it shouldn't be a shock that, as part of one of the biggest automaton boy groups in the galaxy, he’d had close to zero down time. When you show him the library and explain he should sit down in a spot of sun somewhere and read for an hour every day, at a slow pace, he looks at you like you’re crazy. 

“I don’t understand how this is supposed to help me,” he tells you, as you walk through the facility towards one of your favourite wellness locations; the pool.

“This might be an archaic example,” you explain, “but back when humanity first started making computers, laptops and such, many people would keep their computers on indefinitely. Sure they’d close the screen, but that’s not enough. You’d need to actually power down the device to keep its performance up.”

“I’m not a laptop,” Mingyu reminds you, with a flash of something like humour in his eye.

“You’re not,” you conceded, “which is why your nightly power downs aren’t enough. As an automaton, you were built to emulate being a human, but many people disregard one of the most fundamental aspects of humanity; the need for rest. Sleep and powering down isn’t enough if every waking moment is spent working or learning or practicing your trade- you have to allow for a variety of restful activities, such as reading, painting, gardening- it depends on who you are and your skillset though. For a chef, he might not gain rest from cooking because his neurons would still be firing with the intensity of someone doing their trade. Which is why, although I’ve given you physical activities such as swimming and tennis, you won’t be doing any dancing while you’re here.”

“What if I forget my moves?” 

“Something tells me the likelihood of that is very low,” you smile. 

“Okay, maybe I won’t forget my moves,” Mingyu sighs, “but I was made to dance. I was made to perform. What am I if not a level one dancer and singer?”

“There’s more to life than one’s job, however all-encompassing being a level one might be,” you explain. “I’m sure it’s very taxing on you.”

Mingyu pauses in the middle of the corridor you’re walking down, and you stop to assess him. 

“Are you alright?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he gives his head a little shake, and you’re shocked again at how human like the automaton is. “It’s just… no one has ever talked about this sort of thing with me. It’s always been work, work, work. It’s what I’m designed to do-”

“You may have been designed to be a dancer and a singer,” you nod empathetically, “but part of being alive is choosing your own destiny, as you and your bandmates all did when you escaped your facility.”

“Do you really think that?” he questions, standing very still and looking at you with a dark gaze. “That I’m alive?”

“At this point in time, artificial intelligence has progressed to the level where we’re told you’re sentient, that you can feel and think. That you’re as life-like as you’ve ever been in the history of the galaxy. You might have been created in a lab, hand-crafted and designed by some would-be God engineer, but to me, yes, Mingyu, you’re alive.”

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[misscammiedawn]

You may have discussed it before, but would you mind speaking a little bit on how you discovered you have DID?

I feel like I have a pretty stable core identity but there have been times under intense stress where I’ve experienced sudden “switches” in my personality. During a particularly bad period for a little over a year there was a time where I distinctly felt like a different person and did things I wouldn’t normally do, and I remember the specific moment where I came back into my body and became “me” again. This doesn’t happen often, but it has happened more than once throughout my life. When I see people talk about plurality I feel a little confused because their identities often seem to have their own names and genders and ages and backstories, and it seems so cut-and-dry.

I know these are all things to discuss with my therapist but I love how you talk about your own experiences. How can you differentiate between DID and other kinds of dissociation?

Thank you for asking, anon! I'm glad you are going to talk to your therapist about it while also doing the reading and reaching out-- heaven knows our own journey within the US mental healthcare system was rocky at best. The latest chapter of Madison/Belladonna is heavily sourced from IRL circumstances both in receiving the diagnosis and the decades long journey in the mental healthcare system to get there.

But to answer more directly-- (as always we are answering from a psychopathology lens for care and treatment, we recognize the beauty of plurality and do not reduce ALL experiences to mental healthcare concerns, we are approaching our own situation and experiences this way as it is how we lived it)

Our journey was guided from the outside. Both therapists and our partner who was able to see these "mood swings" in us were able to gently guide us to water despite our fierce denial and rejection of our situation. What started as "we're fine" turned to "mood swings" turned to "BPD" turned to "---maybe we should read up on OSDD?" Turned to our current therapist telling us over a year ago that we had DID after months of testing and interviewing to determine.

I should also note I likely realized it MULTIPLE times in my history and buried it again and again. I legitimately think that people in my former life knew and either assumed I knew too or worse I had told them and forgot that I told them. It worries me because I cannot ever be certain. I once asked my ex-wife about it after the divorce/diagnosis and she did say it was weird how she had a "different husband" depending on environment and social group. She said she never noticed it during the interactions, but she would always think back and feel that the "me" in any given moment was different from the ones she observed in social/work situations etc.

So like--- even if people notice, sometimes they don't even realize what they're seeing. Honestly I go full No Mask at work even when a male part fronts and no one really bats an eye. I don't think *most* people are as observant as we worry they are.

ANYWAY! Looking back these are the signs that I ignored:

- I not just wrote a consistent journal through every phase of my life (even going as far as to have a "memory list" that I populated "when I felt like it" (<- IE: when a part that associated with the memory was fronting and wanted to type about it) and more importantly I READ it. Often. I sometimes think that the majority of our memories are just imagined versions of what we wrote. That notion is helped by the fact we [used to] stop journaling during times of crisis or delete journal/chat log to prevent us thinking about distressing things.

- I wrote a lot of plural characters in my stories since my teenage years. Kinda like I kept writing female versions of myself? Funny how the Trans and DID acceptance arcs are so dang similar.

- I would emotionally cave in on myself after gatherings, berating myself for how I had acted all evening. Getting deeply upset at how "out of control" I was. We outright AVOID mood altering substances like alcohol or weed.

- When talking about traumatic memories we typically just tell the story rote. It doesn't bother us. We told therapists without batting an eyelid. This is dissociation. We were disconnecting ourselves from our memories. Emotionally distancing ourselves from the experiences.

- In the same vein, when we remember things we imagine things in locations like a 3rd person camera. Not populated. We don't hear or feel or associate. It's just a place and a knowledge. Our whole "context packet" thing where we just understand something without *feeling* it.

- Deleted emails and chatlogs, references to things we don't remember. Discord messages with people we don't remember talking to. It bothers me how many people in our online communities we were actually close to at some stage of our life and then erased. This is specific to us but Dawn has opened many accounts in the hypnokink community and Camden has shut them down and this has happened so many times that we don't even get upset when we find a buried email from 2013 with sign-up to a Yahoo Email account we don't remember having. That sounds dramatic. It's more just. Go into your emails, pull stuff up from 5-10 years ago and just scroll a while. See how much you remember and associate into. It's NORMAL to forget what websites you were browsing a decade ago. It's not normal to have an entire *LIFE* you hid from yourself.

- Sometimes people just... saw/knew us before we did and there were times when they would describe a version of us they weren't supposed to see and we got complete dysphoria over it. Sometimes it as joyful. Someone we love saw Cammie well enough to say when we transitioned that they wanted to see that "windswept girl with the big smile" all of the time. Sometimes it's mortifying, like when someone approaches Camden as if she is Dawn and Camden REJECTED that side of us so heavily that it caused emotional meltdowns and turmoil because Camden didn't WANT to be a sexy confident domme, she could barely see herself as a woman, when people saw the wrong version of us *without permission* it was just a violation that made things WORSE.

- On that note-- meltdowns-- we mentioned the whole "after a social gathering we'd emotionally cave in on ourselves" thing, there was a lot of that. After work we'd get a complete drop from having to be in Manager Mode all day or we'd have a crisis after erotic intimacy encounters because we're sex repulsed ace. The fact is our nervous system was activated during those times, our survival instincts were kicked in and brought the part associated to the surface to DEAL and when they backed off our body was still reacting to the trauma trigger and it would cause us to implode.

All of these things in therapy brought us to the conclusion of BPD. Because therapists be like that at times. A *TRAUMA* therapist gave us some DES-II, MID and ACE tests and worked out what was going on within 3 months.

It took a further 6-9 months with constant support from loved ones who were able to see us as individuals to *ACCEPT* it. This is a denial disorder, it doesn't want to be found. Asking questions, being honest and being accepting is the best way to come to terms with it. I wish it were easier and I wish you luck and support in your journey. Our inbox is always open!

You're not alone <3

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Reminiscing on the Dream SMP (part 1)

Hey guys, I was thinking about Dream SMP the other day. That server was a lot of fun in its day even as the content creator Dream turns out to be a terrible person.

It's been a little over a year since Tommy's DSMP ending and I thought I would reminisce on it.

The main question I have for the server is just how its final streams were so bas.

In its day, it was pretty cool and I believe it helped inspire a lot of future SMPs, showing creators how much fans had an appetite for story in a minecraft server (it wasn't the first but it was certainly influential).

One of its main strengths that first attracted me to it was the improv lead stories slowly evolving into loosely scripted streams.

By loosely scripted, I mean they had a concrete plans for the story beats but still left the actual dialogue up to the streamers to come up with which, when it worked, gave you some really natural sounding dialogue that at least somewhat reacted to the world around it.

The actual storylines were nothing too special. But the medium helped uplift them to feel extra unique - you would often get long unhurried streams allowing any important plot points to really breathe and get to see the characters going about their days, often doing things like rebuilding structures or mining even in content heavy streams - which many were not. This all helped the world feel very lived in and surprisingly immersive. Streamers interactions with their viewers through their chats was also an important element. This helped streamers as they had a live audience to judge their content off of and also to bounce off of, which was especially useful when they were streaming alone as it gave them an audience to naturally deliver soliloquys about their characters thoughts or just allowed them to narrate what they were doing at any given moment.

Being a server with many different streamers was also an interesting element. Viewers were not expected to watch all of it and indeed there was tons of content - another amazing about it was the sheer amount of content you got from it, such as multiple multi-hour streams every day - sometimes a different perspective of the same events, sometimes something completely different at the same time. I like to compare the server to comic books in that regard. They all took place in the same server but what stream you watched was what character you wanted to follow. And some fans would keep up with multiple, some only one or maybe two characters. But they were all fans of the server even though gradually they diverged more into their own separate fan groups - especially as different streamers had very different styles of content.

All this is to say that streaming was a cool medium for the Dream SMp and it was both a huge strength and sometimes a weakness. One reason I was such a fan of Tommy's exile arc was essentially how it was able to tell a story of isolation and the development of an abusive dynamic rather uniquely as with streams you got to see the everyday and see the character going about their day-to-day routine while gradually becoming more depressed. It basically used streaming and the minecraft medium to its advantage so well that I appreciate it almost artistically.

There were downsides to streaming as well. Overtime the fans increasingly labelled streams as heavy lore or semi lore or non-canon depending on what the streamer was up to as some days they just streamed building something and didn't want to interact with the server's plot. Sometimes the streamers would do stuff for content and looking at the wider story it was very easy to see these characters as terrible people or struggle with the disconnects. Sometimes jokes would turn into the most serious plots and there was some real whiplash.

But as I said. I don't really believe the story or characters were all that special. But the nature of the Dream SMP elevated it and when it was good, it felt like something special.

[rxttenfish]

honestly as much as i joke and compare miranda to the severely abused rescue parrot or basically a pet tiger you keep in your house, theres also the counterpart to this that goes, aaravi is basically her service dog.

as in, like, it connects back to merfolk socialization and them constantly having someone who they consider basically a part of themselves always around and being dependent on having other people there to react or behave appropriately. and miranda getting denied that as instead her family lineage was supposed to act as this instead and failed her in being a good replacement in MULTIPLE ways, so now she's basically just... entirely unable to behave normally or healthily from a merfolk lens. she is aggressive and violent, she is quick to lash out, she constantly feels insecure and terrified, she doesn't even conceive of herself as a person and views herself in terms of an object that exists for other people's use of her, she is basically incapable of taking care of herself, she regularly tries to hurt and kill herself with varying degrees of intention.

and the merfolk solution would be to introduce a caretaker into this relationship dynamic, whether through grafting miranda into an existing caretaker group or by adding a caretaker into her existing deep social group. which isn't an option, because that has DEEPLY political implications and implying herself as being flawed or the crown as flawed by proxy would either get her outright killed or even further abused. it's just not an option for her and why she keeps getting worse, because there is no help that can come from within this system.

and aaravi in turn, acts as a member of that social group, who miranda can look to and depend upon. firstly, to judge appropriate emotional response, because she acts much worse on her own, and having aaravi there means when miranda starts getting upset she can look to aaravi and see how she's acting and to know if she should intensify or if she needs to go to aaravi and seek comfort. but also just in the sense that miranda's ideas of what is healthy or safe have been destroyed and she does kind of need someone there to make sure she is taking care of herself and not hurting herself at any given moment. she needs someone to make her feel secure and safe and someone who she can rely on, and that need is very key to who she is as a merfolk and the nature of the trauma in question, and aaravi does fulfill the need of a caretaker.

[kure-kirika]

I'm gonna write about my hcs for Homura as a system bc she has a Lot going on from that angle. I was going to wait until I finished a chart I had been drawing and sorted out each part's 'role' to my satisfaction, but I Really want to share it it's my favorite puella magi hc.

Ok so Akemi Homura. Firstly she has been through a LOT of trauma and bullshit so it's not even remotely a stretch to consider (esp given she has a history of frequent medical issues even before the main story).

Secondly she has some dissociative instances that happen as pretty plot-relevant things - the entire plot of Rebellion, for one. And, depending on how 'canon' you view it, Wraith Arc is another example of dissociative coding wrt memory issues/barriers, and carries a lot of plural coding on its own. Not to mention her incredibly detached approach in everything is a form of dissociation, as a response to being in an ongoing traumatic situation (being a magical girl and constantly having her friends taken from her or turning on her)

And honestly I'm just citing base examples off the top of my head and could most likely go into more in depth analysis for any of these points.

So she gives me strong system vibes. But furthermore, she'd be a rare case in media of a character with Multiple alters beyond just the 'good vs evil' trope, had this been done intentionally. And so I've picked out multiple alters that would compose her system, between the anime storylines and Wraith Arc, so I'm gonna list those out. As I said I haven't sorted out everyone's function/origin Thoroughly but I have pretty clear ideas for each.

Glasses Homura or 'Moemura' - the closest to the undissociated Homura, chronologically speaking and potentially in terms of function/personality. Might just have been the host for her daily life prior to her contract. Represented of course by wearing glasses, but her hair being braided (as seen in Rebellion) is another shorthand indication of her presence in the scene.

Akemi Homura, as we see her in the main series - most likely the second oldest alter seen by us. Formed directly to function as the main face of the system, as well as the system protector most likely. she's a sort of shield for the system by detaching all of her trauma and past timeline experiences from the present moment, acting as coldly and shut off as possible to further their collective goal (saving Madoka) and prevent emotional overwhelm. This also doubles to protect her more vulnerable alters and emotions, because as seen in flashbacks of earlier loops letting those show more often backfires than helps.

Wraith Madoka [Wraith Arc] - an introject alter modeled after Madoka. Unfortunately I haven't reread much of her part and my notes on her are elsewhere but I think she exists as a sort of... maybe soother for the system in a way, helping Madoka feel real in a reality where she is not.

Rapunzel Witch/Wraith Witch [Wraith Arc] - I'd probably classify this witch as a persecutor or other aggressive alter. She is born from the old memories and trauma, which is rejected by Homura in this story via memory manipulation (dissociation). This is done because this witch threatens Everything Homura has fought for and is initially represented in the story as Madoka's witch self, Kriemhild Gretchen, which further pushes that divide. The Rapunzel Witch is then fused with a Wraith and grows out of control, fueled by the power of Another antagonist to Madoka's world order (according to Homura's pov). The Wraith Witch then begins killing everything instantly, including Mami and Kyouko, and sets about destroying what Homura holds dear and/or has sworn to protect and keep safe.

Ai [Wraith Arc] - not entirely sure if I should count her separately from Wraith Madoka or not? Narratively she's essentially The Same Individual but everything about her is different functionally, so it might be a subystem deal or a case where Wraith!Mado split off of her. Ai was born narratively to manage Homura's memories, a representation of the 'miracle' that lets Homura retain her memories of the old reality. But she functions independently of Homura at points, as 'a part of Homura's soul that was eaten by a wraith'. She is the essence behind the creation of Wraith!Madoka as well as the individual behind its independent movements, all unbeknownst to Homura herself during this storyline.

Clara dolls [Rebellion] - these are already pretty clearly defined for us by the text, I think primarily as emotional holders and/or maybe fragments. I'm likewise unsure if I'd count Wraith Arc's Ai as part of their number, she has the same name as the unseen doll Ai but her function is somewhat different in practice. This might be chalked up to her being more consistently active than the others though, given how much "Ai (love)" drives Homura forward

Homulilly (black dress) [Rebellion] - I think I'd break her into two alters, given we have the black dress homura and then the fully-formed witch. In terms of black dress.... She's hard to gauge since I think her behavior blurs a lot with Homura's? But her motivation is different. She might also be a protector, but designed specifically for her Witch counterpart.

Homulilly (witch) [Rebellion] - This witch is most likely a trauma holder, which I think is pretty self-explanatory given what we see of her on-screen. I would probably count any portrayals of Homura during her scenes as Also her, especially the scene with Madoka's arm reaching through the window to her.

Homucifer [Rebellion] - whoo boy ok. Not sure what I'd classify her as. With her whole spiel and self-assignment of "The Devil of this world" she leans into persecutor territory in a way? But, her true motivation has nothing to do with painting herself as evil or punishing herself. Nor is her true motivation being Selfish and taking what she wants without thought. Her true focus is that Madoka becoming a God, separated from her friends and family, was Wrong, and so Homucifer exists to forcibly reunite Madoka with the life she gave up, no matter the cost. Selfishness is a factor, as is self-deprecation, but really her aim isn't anything straightforward beyond furthering the collective system's united goal of Saving Madoka, so idk what her Function is beyond filling that niche in a way the others can't.

So that's what I've got on her! Hopefully it all makes sense, if anyone has anything to add feel free!

[2af-afterdark]

What in Hell is Bad?: First impressions the day after launch

It is the day after launch now. It has not been a full 24 hours as of when I have started writing this post, but I want to give my first impressions of the game; the good, the bad, the ugly.

I will not be holding the server overload against PrettyBusy, especially since that is a common launch day problem with games and they have been doing their best to fix it. Instead, I want to look at the actual content and gameplay.

The Good

There are a ton of Day 1 goodies that make it easy to jump into the game and get going as soon as possible.

Duplicates are automatically converted into an item called tealeaves that you can use to boost/evolve a unit. The unit is not automatically strengthened, but you are not required to go digging through all your units to merge the duplicates manually. There is also no additional cost to evolving a unit, so you can merge them immediately with little worry.

The comics between the loading screens really are a blessing. They are so charming and funny and give a little more insight into some of the characters.

You can, like any decent gatcha, put character's you've obtained on the homescreen and tap them for dialogue that gives insight into who they are. Find my slightly troubling first encounter below.

The combat is smooth. I personally have never played a tower defense type gatcha before, but I find this combat easy to understand, plan, and utilize. I do have an issue with it, but I will list that later.

The Bad

The biggest thing I noticed, the thing that leaves me feeling disappointed, is that the male MC is not implemented well. The male MC options appears to only change the MC's pronouns, but nothing about the actual descriptions of the MC. The game still describes MC having breasts and wetness between the legs, which are the traits of a female MC. If you want to play a trans!MC (like my Dallas), that may please you. Or it may not. It depends how your MC/you view your gender and what terms you choose to use for your anatomy. My point is that the male MC is simply a pronoun change and not much more. Even then, the game sometimes uses the wrong pronouns. I have had multiple moments where the game referred to Dallas (my he/him MC) as she/her, daughter of Solomon, said he and Minhyeok were opposite genders (when they both identify as men).

I love the rainbow bar giving me bonus goodies in the Adore function but... It is legitimately hard to see the bars when those items go flying everywhere. I have to be extra careful because I don't know when the left bar is getting too high.

You cannot replay a story section without using AP. Honestly, this is a real let down. Having to use your limited AP to reread a story is sad. I want to go back and reread sections I've already done without worry. It's for memories and fun. I don't mind paying AP to unlock them, but rereading them is a different matter. Especially given how far apart each story section is. It will be hard to refresh my memory if I take a break from the game for any reason.

Do you know where to find the friends menu? Because I do not. I found it, but I had to go through a series of convoluted pathways. Even then, I don't have a friend code or codes to add my friends. Which is strange considering there is a mission about adding friends and sending presents.

The Ugly (quality of life)

The actual battle maps are... Repetitive. There are often multiple battles in a row and they will have the same layout as the one before them. This often makes it so you can use the same units and arrangement you did on the previous map for the current one. This makes the battles easy to plan, but tedious to do.

The comics between loading screens will vanish automatically when the game is ready. I personally wish the game would prompt me to click to continue because my game loads so quickly that I rarely get to read them. If not a click to continue, then a separate menu where I can read them without worrying they will vanish before I get the chance to enjoy them.

Not sure if my game glitched during the overload, but my first Hell-oh! Talk vanished without a trace. The second one I received is still there, so I want to say it was a glitch, but I cannot be certain so I am putting it here.

It appears that tealeaves (the evolution item) can only be used 5 times. After you use it for the fifth time, you seem to be unable to do anything. Yet I am still gathering tealeaves, so I am unsure what to do with all these extras I am acquiring.

A personal gripe of mine, is that it take 5 greater keys of Solomon to draw once (50 for a 10x). You need 3 lesser keys of Solomon for 1 draw (30 for a 10x). I have always preferred a 1:1 ratio when it comes to drawing because it makes it straight forward and easy to plan what I will need.

There is no way to raise a character's level more than one at a time. If you want to level up a character 10 times, you have to hit the level up button 10 times. It would be nice if they gave us a faster way to do multiple level ups quickly.

Sometimes my chats will have these random empty boxes and I feel that is missing dialogue that I really want to see.

When I go back to check my previous messages to reread them, I notice that the options are sometimes not what I actually chose. This picture is the same section as above, but you'll notice Leviathan's dialogue changed. That's because, for some reason, the game saved my answer as being the other one. Notably, I think it always defaults to whatever option 1 is.

(this one is from 🪰 anon because I haven't seen it yet) In that same vein... you cannot control the speed of messages. That is detrimental when you are play one of the plot relevant text conversations. If it progresses faster than you can read you will simply miss it. A function to change the speed of the texts would be a nice addition.

You have to open boxes one. at. a. time. It is a very slow process when you have upwards of 10+ boxes.

Random Stuff I Noticed:

Ppyong refer to class five angels as Vultures. Not sure if this is a mistranslation of Virtues (the actual fifth highest rank of angel) or if PB decided to use unique names for their game.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Personality through quotes

Thanks @illarian-rambling here!

Rules: give quotes from your OCs about a given prompt

My prompt: What do you do when your friend is sick?

Lexi: "Well, I guess I identify what's bothering them first. And then I try to relate it to myself to show I'm being empathetic, and I understand what they're going through. I let them know it'll be okay, and then I give some advice."

Maddie: "Hm. I guess I try to look around to see if there's anything to help now. And...I guess if there's like an objective solution. Maybe a hands-on method. I, uh, I look for that, since I work better like that. I dunno, I guess I'll then do something to try and help."

Ash: "The way I see it, the sooner you get rid of the bad stuff, the better. So I usually try to look for an easier way out. Practical solutions. I'm not that good at being comforting, but I can solve any puzzle you throw at me."

Gwen: "Considering my friends send me to comfort someone, I think of myself as empathetic. I really try to put myself in their shoes and imagine what they must be going through. I comfort them, validate their feelings, then I take a step back and look at the big picture. I think I'm good at long-term solutions."

Robbie: "I guess I try to figure out what they need. Like, do they need me to leave or, like, stay. When they say they're alright, I need to figure out if they mean it. I can shut up long enough to listen, believe it or not. I try to, I guess, empathize with them. And I try to piece the puzzle together and somehow I end up connecting things. It is hard not to give all the ideas I can think of though. Sometimes they need to, like...be in the moment. I struggle with that, but I try my best."

Akash: "I try to detach myself first, which is a little difficult to do. But it's easier to restate what's going on, then work it out from there. I can't always relate to what's going on, but I do try to use my experiences to give advice. I know that just saying it'll be okay is lame, so I try to assure them in other ways. Like if I think it will be okay, I specifically tell them it's an I think situation. And if I'm not sure, I'll just say that I'll support them through it."

Jedi: "I always try to see things from an individual's point of view. I understand many perspectives, so I will be able to understand them. I will likely take an optimistic approach that most of what is going on in this person's life will resolve in time, and I will provide multiple solutions dependent on multiple scenarios I anticipate happening."

Carmen: "... I don't comfort people.... But if Jedi was upset... I suppose I would simply point out the facts. And then figure out the problem to make a solution. Reliable plans are the way to fix your problems."

Your prompt: What is the worst place you have been stuck in for a long time?

Tagging @little-peril-stories @mk-writes-stuff @willtheweaver @dyrewrites @chauceryfairytales

@writernopal @the-stray-storyteller @loopyhoopywrites @ceph-the-ghost-writer @cowboybrunch

@elsie-writes @melpomene-grey @mysticstarlightduck @theeccentricraven

+ ANYONE ELSE

TSP

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy

[advancedpottery217x2]

Love even unto its innermost parts

I consider myself a romanticist. It happened suddenly a few years back, when I found that this word fit what I consider to be important in fiction. If I just said this out of the blue one day however, people would probably get the wrong idea about me. I do have a general fondness for both ロマン and romance in fiction, and I also feel those two are connected while still being separate entities.

I've wanted to write about my stance on romance in fiction for a long time (since the Mitsumei post that's now uhhh two years ago apparently), and I did say in my Sakura no Toki post that I would expand on my concept of ロマン in a future post. While these topics are quite similar and I have no qualms about it myself, it still felt "wrong" to group them together without a further idea connecting them besides the label of romanticism. Until this March when I actually got that idea and right now when I finally decided to write this post.

This post will probably make even less sense than my previous ones since it is almost completely born from my personal views on abstract concepts, so don't feel bad if you don't understand.

(NOTE: Views expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect my view on relationships in real life. Also not a spoiler-free zone for anything.)

In my mind romanticism is たった一つの大切な想いを貫くこと.

(No the Gunslinger Girl song did not lead to this thought although I will link it here anyway because I love the manga which you should go read right now.)

To understand this we must first separate love projected from within the self and love projected towards the self.

Love projected from within the self is what you personally find important to yourself and ideals, convictions you wish to share and experience with others. It is what you like and what you consider crucial to understanding your personality and beliefs. It is important to realize that this is a form of love.

I guess this is more of a problem in recent years where media consumption as a set checklist with guidelines is more prevalent, but I believe that is an antithesis to the nature of love. This may seem like a given, but life is possible to live without having a solid idea of these things, giving birth to people who cannot use their own words to express their opinions. I believe being selfish is an important part of love as love cannot exist without two distinct entities whose emotions come within the self.

Love projected towards the self is a fictional work's backbone, or the thoughts that went into it during its creation. How this gets conveyed to the self varies depending on the medium but ambience is important in all of them. Ambience is felt from every corner of a work so the stronger the backbone is, the more it shows in multiple facets of the work (総合芸術). Of course, not everything has the luxury of having a singular vision so this concept is not necessarily tied to a work as an entirety; feeling love from singular part(s) is not any lesser.

The message a work conveys (if it exists), willingly or unwillingly is only one part of this love. I believe you can feel it in anything, from a character's spoken and unspoken words to intimate depictions of backgrounds. Personally, music is a big one for me and is the reason I am an Aquaplus fan now. It doesn't have to be straightforward either, if anything being drawn to things that appear contradictory is proof of ロマン in and of itself. The act of using your own experiences to process and accept two clashing senses within you is a sort of 原体験 of realizing the self and the world are separate entities that operate on their own merits which brings me to my main point.

The moment the loves within and without the self meet (貫く) is the moment the feeling of ロマン is born.

You could simply call this finding something the fits you or speaks out to you but this post is about love. The only love you are privy to the most intimate details of is the love that comes from within. This is because unless you can somehow mind link with other people you will never be able to fully understand what goes into their love, even if you are on the same wavelength. That is why we seek love to reach our innermost parts. This is true in real life too but that is outside the scope of this post.

Not everything in the world has the kind of love that resonates with you and sometimes it does not have love at all. That is why it is necessary to acknowledge these truths, to distinguish what does and does not fit you to have conviction in your own love.

Of course this is only true when the levels of love do not overpower each other. If the outward love is too strong, personal ideals overtake the work and color our perception of it to the point where it is no longer recognizable to others. In an internet example, I feel this is the case with people who take their headcanons too far and push them to the point of general acceptance, with some people not even realizing or refusing to realize that they are far beyond the context that the original work has presented. If the inward love is too strong, the work seeps into the psychology of the self to the point of lowering a person's ability to form their own thoughts on it. Another more personally aggravating internet example are those eroge reviews on Japanese Twitter that basically write the same points and have the same game quote peppered in. This is not to say these cannot exist (as much as I don't want them to), but they are simply not ロマン.

How does one go about in search of their ロマン then? As I said before, selfishness is an important element. Reading recommendations and reviews is valuable in gauging if you will enjoy something. However if that is all you rely on, it is easy to lose sight of your outward love. It is important to balance these with your ability to pick out things in the wild. After all, between ロマン discovered through others and ロマン discovered yourself the latter has more ロマン度. If you find it hard to broaden your horizons, seeing what your friends that have common interests and common reasons for liking those interests also like is a good start. The latter is especially important in the ロマン department as finding things that hit in that regard is harder than simply finding things you will enjoy.

Simply finding things to enjoy is also a skill one should hone. However, one must understand that something that does not match your love is not something to be shunned or frowned down upon. We are equipped to enjoy many things in life no matter how they relate to us. To that effect I do not associate romanticism with optimism. The act of believing in and finding love in the world is one of the most human actions one can take. That is why we feel such elation at the meeting point of loves. In that moment the beauty of the world enters our hearts we feel at one with something outside of the self and revel in the joys of communication. That is why I cannot stop my pursuit of ロマン.

たった一つの大切な想いを貫くこと is more straightforward in the romance department. As outlined in the ロマン section, romance also arises from two distinct entities whose emotions come within the self. That is why being able to see how both people come to hold romantic feelings and the moment those feelings become mutual feels victorious. Unless you are a devout romance hater or fan of a losing character in a romcom, seeing two characters get together is a cause of celebration.

And there's the rub: The outward trappings of romance are discussed much more than the intricacies of their feelings.

I can enjoy lighthearted will-they-or-won't-they, tension caused by unrequited love, and dramatic events fighting against the odds as much as the next guy but my eyes always remain on the prize: the actual feelings two people hold for each other.

Until recently I was vaguely in the camp that romances with obstacles in their path are the most rewarding at the end. It's a popular sentiment, so you can't go wrong with it right? It is quite sound as if the feelings in the relationship are not strong enough they won't make it to the end. But as I felt increasingly aloof with a lot of those stories I started to think that my true interests lied elsewhere.

The truth lies in たった一つの大切な想いを貫くこと. What causes people to develop feelings for another person? How do these feelings remain and grow stronger as opposed to fizzling out? How far are you willing to go for another person? How do these feelings interact with your own set of values, your own love to the world? Yes, true love is born when a character's love from the self and their love for another person harmonize, resulting in たった一つの大切な想いを貫く in their actions. That is the love I seek with my entire body.

Since there is no requirement to go this deep most of the time it is possible to be satisfied with much less. In some cases less can be more, and to reiterate I am not saying that only one kind of thing should exist. I simply wish for people to think more about the characters' feelings for each other when discussing fictional romance rather than on the playground level of who likes who.

Too often are romances lauded or condemned for reasons other than this. An all too familiar internet example is people throwing around certain parts of a relationship as problematic. Is it so fucked up to value a fictional relationship based on how the characters feel towards each other... But on the other hand you have people who value those certain parts above all else. I'm looking at you people who think incest routes in eroge are the best even if there is no other meat to the relationship regardless if they are blood-related or not. I guess if you're there for the outward trappings alone I can't blame you for getting exactly what you want but going around spouting about how it's a purer form of love is a completely different story. In eroge I feel surface level romance discussions are even worse because sex scenes can fool people into thinking something is deeper than it actually is.

As scenario writer Hozumi Kei wisely stated in a BugBug interview:

──今聞いてもワクワクしてきますね。 保住：美少女ゲームって、実は「恋愛をちゃんと描かない」んですよ。『ONE』や『ToHeart』の段階で既に確立している手法なんですが、ヒロインは必ず問題を抱えていて、主人公はそこに必ず首を突っ込んで二人で解決する。このことがメインになってしまい、そのついでに二人は恋愛したりセックスしたりするんです。 ──つまり多くの美少女ゲームは「恋愛」をテーマにしていないということですか？ 保住：自分はそう思っています。未だにこの手法で作られている作品がほとんどですよね。それだけ凄いメソッドということですが、そろそろ卒業しなきゃいけない気はしています。 ──『ましろ色シンフォニー -Love is Pure White-』は恋愛を中心にした作品、ということでしょうか。 保住：主人公もヒロインも色々抱えているんですが、その中で恋愛を進めていくことで、物語が進んでいく。その辺りが上手く描けた作品だと思います。ここまでド直球の恋愛作品って、当時中々作れなかったと思うんです。そこに挑戦してくれたぱれっとさんには感謝していますね。

I have played Mashiro-iro Symphony and was impressed with how it put romance at the forefront of Hozumi Kei's routes, even if it wasn't exactly to my taste.

In the end I simply wish for people to embrace love more. Embracing your own love is knowing yourself as best as you can and aiming to find it in the world. Embracing love from the world is acknowledging that many different forms of love exist and there is always exciting new frontiers to be found out there. Embracing the nature of romance is understanding love's great capacity and the way it interacts with the self.

Romanticism is realizing love is a terrifying force, and it is up to the self to give it context in our everyday lives.

ロマンチストなので。

~Bonus Corner~

What are some works I feel exemplify the things I talk about in this post?

I will say everything mentioned in the Sakura no Toki post counts and with the new knowledge in this post let us reexamine this equation:

時間経過(=連続性があること) + ロマン = 刻

Why do I feel ロマン from Sakutoki? Because the love of art is etched into every facet of this work. Through the music, backgrounds, characters, and the various art pieces in the game, art is attacked and affirmed from different angles all in service of the overflowing pathos associated with both creation and consumption. In this regard I like Toki more than Uta.

On a pure ロマン front I consider the Tears to Tiara series to be the pinnacle of it, as evidenced by the fact I made this blog at first to post about it. Marui Takeshi's other works also excel at the element of ロマン as well as Shumon Yuu in Kitto, Sumiwataru Asairo Yori mo,. Years back I changed my VNDB comment for that game to "わかってるなぁ" without really knowing why but the mystery is now solved. I'll get around to his other games someday!!

In the romance department, you know me, I will say Mitsumei. Shipping is a bit more complicated than what I wrote above since depending on how much is actually in the original work there is a lot more imagination required. But the fact that Edgeworth and Franziska have such a relationship that is barely touched upon in official media have led to me thinking about it more than most of the naysayers so I will say what I most want to see of them in official media is them having a heart to heart conversation to further my thoughts. 支離滅裂な思考・発言

Back to the topic at hand I greatly enjoyed ISLAND as a romantic work which really does seem like a rarity amongst the debates I've seen about the science fiction parts of the game. I have wrote about Hakuchuumu no Aojashin before and that is probably the stronger recommendation between the two here. Astraythem was a surprise for me last year in how the time travel plot elevates the themes of love presented in the game and not just for the main relationship. For anime Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: First Kiss wa Owaranai, the latest installment of the series is good for its deliberation of romantic feelings to an extent not seen in most other media. It was kind of funny seeing reactions to it praising that aspect as a novelty when I think about it every day with Mitsumei but that's another story. Need season 4...

I must include a special shout out in this post to Eris from Princess Connect! Re:Dive who kind of destroyed my brain during the game's 6th anniversary event earlier this year.

Eris (CV: Kuwashima Houko) is functionally a clone/copy of one of the main characters Yui (CV: Taneda Risa) who after the events of the previous game (the Ameba soshage) was forced to watch the protagonist loop while stuck in the VR game world countless times with the reset occurring when either the protagonist or Yui died. Of course Yui and by extension Eris hold romantic feelings for the protagonist so watching so many loops gradually destroyed her sanity levels to dust to the point where the only thing she desires is a world with just her and the protagonist. Honestly during this part of the story in the game, I had a passing interest in her but not much in the grand scheme of things since that part felt like a slog to get through while it was updating. In the end Eris disappears after a confrontation between her and Yui.

This event brings proper closure to that plotline while also further establishing Yui and Eris's feelings for the protagonist. This event blew me away because Priconne is a mobile game where a lot of the characters have romantic feelings for the protagonist. But these always felt more like trappings due to being the kind of game where you raise your bond levels with girls like some kind of romance game. Of course it is not a romance game and there are no big depictions (not yet...) except for Yui and that is mainly one-sided since the protagonist is not forward at all in the love department. Even then I felt that Yui's feelings were more of a plot device as they caused Re:Dive to happen and she is too shy to do anything most of the time. That's why seeing Yui and Eris going at each other like a catfight in this event felt like a light from the heavens. The two finally felt like realized characters with romantic feelings instead of two bishoujo with the word "love" stuck to them. Kuwashima Houko's ability to express Eris's pain, longing, bitterness, and faint hope was stunning. You really feel that the weight of her feelings has engulfed her to the point of no return and the event works on processing them in a world where she was not given the mercy of complete death. God please let Eris win. Eris reappeared in the main story in this month's update let's fucking gooooooo.

Lastly, the manga panel from the header image of this post is 恋は忍耐 which I found completely by chance when I saw it had an Ikuhara Kunihiko (Mawaru Penguindrum director) recommendation on the obi. After reading the first chapter online and impulsively buying the first volume on Bookwalker I can understand why. If I hadn't seen that panel I don't know if I would have had the energy to write this post so quickly. Looking forward to the next volumes!

[moastray-tlb-au]

Introduction Post!

Hey, & welcome to this blog (which is also a ask & slight rp Blog). As you read from the bio/title, this IS a AU, so not a lot of things might not the same unfortunately, but despite that, you will still see the main cast from MO: Astray (Do warn I did kinda make them a bit different bcs idk the original designs just needed some... pizazz imo-)

Also this is a 13+ ask/lore blog, so if you wanna ask anything, plz remember to read teh warnings first before doing so.

(Plz touch the read more thing to go down)

Anyways some warnings before going into this blog:

This blog can & will contain heavy topics (§əłf Ĥæřm, §əłf Đəæťĥ, Just death in general, & that of other topics that are quite heavy..)

Spoilers of MO: Astray (This includes minor spoilers, but spoilers are still spoilers)

The drawings here can & might contain g0re, bl00d, & Violence. (This, however, will depend on what is being drawn atm)

Some of the characters here were given some new lore as most of the they had in the original game... did not exist... Yes, this includes headcanons. So don't be mad if the character shown on screen is inaccurate to their original/canon counterpart.

This blog can have some dark themes depending on what is happening at the moment. (Although I really don't want this to be a completely edgy blog because I ain't like that, bro)

Character designs are/will be altered. (Bcs I'm just like that, don't be angry at me, plz)

This blog might contain OCs, but those are pretty much side characters as the main cast of MO: Astray are the true focus of this blog.

There will occasionally be filler on here. So don't get mad when I post that on here. (Like fan child stuff or idk... Turnerbel Art?) (Yes the turnerbel ship does exist in Timeline Breaker but it isn't truly important to the lore, just some trivia)

With those warning out of the way now, let's get onto the rules!

Rules of this blog:

Please no inappropriate/nasty comments/asks. This blog is run by a minor who's AroAce, & personally... I really don't to see that from you guys....

No hate speech/asks. (This inludes bigoted asks & ðəæťĥ ťĥřəæț§ against me. Yes I may have headcanon like most of the main cast as LGBTQ+ based, but those are just headcanons & I want to have fun on this blog + I'm just a random kid man)

Make sure the ask yur giving the characters is actually directed at them. But if it's a ask for Multiple characters, best to use the first letter of their First & Last Name. (Elara = ES, Sirius = SG, Jeremiah = JG, Harper = HT, Aska = AM. Although MO can just be called... well MO. He'll, you can even ask the frikin ai from MO: Astray but refer to him as "DAS" thanks. (Not doing the other bosses though bcs idk... I feel like they don't have much importance to this AU + we are on earth, not on a alien planet)

Do not repeat yur ask unless I for 1 actually have not gotten yur ask yet, I obviously don't want to be spammed by a bunch of anons by just asking me questions.

If you are going to ask a question, make sure to title it with "Character" (A QnA Thing for the person themselves) or "Lore" (for lore based questions. If you have anything else put it in "Other". I however won't be accepting any unrelated asks/requests. (As those will be deleted)

NO IRL BASED QUESTIONS! This includes what my irl name or where I live, that's creepy, especially if yur asking that on a blog RUN BY A MINOR! (Yes this includes creepy comments, plz frik off & never come back)

Thats all of the rules out of the way... So onto the main cast now! (Which is literally just the cast from MO: Astray... maybe with a few OCs here & there)

This Blog's Cast Members!

(Might contain some OCs but only 1 is rlly Important-)

Main Cast!

Elara Shelley (Important)

Jeremiah Greenbel (Important)

Sirius Grant (Side)

Harper Turner (Side)

Aska Middleton (Side)

MO (Side)

D.A.S (Dylan) (Side)

"Torment" (OC) (Important)

The Golden Brotherhood (OCs) (Important/Anatags)

Side Cast/Background Characters!

Lumo (OC)

Issac (OC) (Greenbel's strange son)

Some random Family members of 5 of the main cast.

Thats really it for now... uh.. yeh? Anyways, imma stop writing this... @neptuniadoesstuff signing off today! Just hope I can get one ask or smtn. (Or not, we'll see)

[nightmares-voicemail]

Nocturknight Sylvana what do you two think of each other

The two superheroines stare at each other with a hint of confusion as they’re suddenly pulled into the same continuity, but then their minds adapt in a moment.

“Nice hat,”

“Nice hat,”

they speak at once then they both giggle.

“Seriously though,” Nocturknight clears her throat. “I’m not living anywhere near to Achefall City, but of course I saw lot of the Akuma fights on television and the internet, and she seems really cool. There were multiple times when it was up to her to save the day while the other Heroes were out of commission, and she managed to turn things around on her own. She beat King Sting and retrieved the Bee Miraculous from him, then she also managed to save both the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous from falling into the villain’s hands when fighting Repetition. The fact Maris Stella and Tenechat relies on her so much should tell everything, given how good they are doing.”

“Well, thanks.” Sylvana turns away a bit, not sure how to handle the compliment. “To be fair, I got the Miraculous of the Goat which is pretty OP… I mean, all Miraculous are pretty OP I guess, but this is the power to create anything. I can make any weapon or defensive gear or tool to handle the situation, which is pretty crazy when I think about it. Like, it can be only mundane things, so if I asked for a time machine it probably wouldn’t work, but I could make a jetpack. Does that mean that I could make a whole spaceship if there was a need? I try to resist the urge to experiment, I know how dangerous Miraculous powers can be if misused.”

“Magic is confusing,” Nocturknight agrees. “Our Enchants allow us to summon items from thin air too, as an expansion of our transformation, but it’s not very clear what are the limits of that. I’m pretty sure that making flying vehicles would be beyond it, but Ruthen can summon their scarf, so who knows, maybe it depends on personal affinity. They seem to be getting the hang of it better, I feel safer relying on more well-defined powers, like my Singularity. Even though, being able to create things other than blades would be admittedly useful sometimes,” she chuckles.

“That didn’t prevent you from kicking those warlocks’ butts back then,” Sylvana smirks. “Talking about being badass… guess you really sticked to them for thinking you guys were some amateurs to play around with. You fought all three of them at once, and at the end they had to turn their tail and run! That must’ve shown to your city that they’re in good hands.”

“It was a bit more… complicated than that, but thanks. I should add, even though I prefer Singularity there are other Enchants we can rely on, so it’s not like I’m limited to a single power. And there’s also…” Nocturknight fidgets with something on her hand for a moment. “… let’s just say I still got help in that fight.”

“Uh, yes, I know Ruthen showed up to help, but I’m normally not alone either,” Sylvana shrugs. “Actually, I got a much larger team to back me up than you do. Other than some occasional help, like when Sandstorm helped you, it’s usually just you and Ruthen. When I’m called in, Maris and Tenechat are usually already on the case, and there are many others. Sure, sometimes I had to manage on my own, but also there were many occasions when I was saved by other heroes, or it was someone else who turned things around at the last moment. We all do our part. You two, you seem kind of like when Maris and Tenechat started it all, mostly on your own. That must be a lot sometimes.”

“I guess,” Nocturknight said uncertainly. “I mean sure, more backup would be nice when things get dangerous but also… being on a big team, it seems to have its own challenges? I… I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. Guess teamwork comes more naturally to some people.”

Sylvana laughs.

“If you knew me, you’d know I’m really not a natural team-player, or anything like that. People are… difficult. But when it’s them between you and almost certain death… guess that builds up trust quickly. My teammates were there to take action when things looked bad for me and I felt helpless, so I want to be there for them as well. Sometimes I wish I knew more about who they really are, but that’s dangerous… still, I think I understand what drives them, and even if I don’t know anything else, that’s enough for me to trust them.

Nocturknight smiles.

“Yeah… guess I get how that works.”

[subject-2-change]

Soft "Get to Know You" Asks! 1. What song makes you feel better? 2. What’s your feel-good movie? 3. What’s your favorite candle scent? 4. What flower would you like to be given? 5. Who do you feel most you around? 6. Say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical). 7. What color brings you peace? 10. What’s something you’re excited for? 12. How are you? 13. What’s your comfort food? 21. If you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be? 22. What would you say to your future self? 23. Favorite piece of clothing? 24. What’s something you do to de-stress? 25. What’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.) 28. Hugs or hand-holding? 29. Morning, afternoon or night? 30. What reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

1. What song makes you feel better?

Depends on what kind of upset I am. Music that reflects my mood tends to level me out emotionally because catharsis. I'd say-- and this is a song I very rarely listen to --"On a Good Day" is a song that just grabs my heart different than any other.

2. What’s your feel-good movie?

"Tangled" if I'm feeling animation, "The Princess Bride" if I'm not.

3. What’s your favorite candle scent?

"Den of Thieves" from Cantrip Candles. (Smoke, Red Wine, Aged Leather)

4. What flower would you like to be given?

I LOVE chrysanthemums

5. Who do you feel most you around?

Toss up between my best friend, and my therapist.

6. Say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

Hey, this is a trick! That's six things!

Okay, I've got pretty eyes, fairly straight teeth that have never needed work, and my hair looks damn good no matter what color, cut, style, or level of bed-headedness. It is very agreeable.

I'm charming, I'm clever, and I'm so goddamn funny.

7. What color brings you peace?

Robin's egg or steely blue

10. What’s something you’re excited for?

I'm going to see IDK How in concert in April!

12. How are you?

Pretty fine, thank you! Cold. It's not supposed to be cold here.

13. What’s your comfort food?

Matzo ball soup. Or chicken and dumplings. Put balls of flour in any gravy, sauce, or broth and I'm there.

21. If you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

Please oh my God. Stop. Just. Cease.

22. What would you say to your future self?

Do it, bitch. I dare you.

23. Favorite piece of clothing?

I have a maroon t-shirt I thrifted. It definitely used to just be a plain t-shirt. But someone bleached a detailed depiction of buff Hello-Kitty on the front. It says "Hella Kitty"

24. What’s something you do to de-stress?

Showtunes in the shower. Adult beverage and aggressive music while I cook. Long night walks with a cigar and headphones.

25. What’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

Playlist. Oh my God. A playlist. My first love burned me 2 CDs in high school. She wrote the names of all the songs and drew little pictures on the discs. I have one of hem a decade later. I made playlists specific for my and other people's D&D characters in multiple games. I made playlists for their interpersonal relationships. Playlists are my love language.

28. Hugs or hand-holding?

Hugs! I love long hugs (when I'm feeling up to it). Hugs put the focus on that moment and that touch. Hand holding often feels restrictive to me.

29. Morning, afternoon or night?

I love all 3 depending on the day. Consistently afternoon. Sleep in until afternoon? Awesome. Afternoon nap? Indescribable. Afternoon is when my regulars come in, and I'm almost off work. Afternoon is not too early, but still plenty of time to do things in the day.

30. What reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

This one umbrella I have with a devastating origin story. My previous therapist gave it to me. It is probably my most meaningful possession.

[dimonds456]

Hi!

Do you have any advice for someone looking to get into video editing or just try and figure it out? It’s always seemed kinda fun to me, and I want to know if there’s any beginners resources you have :3

Heya!

In terms of beginner's software, I'm not sure what's out there now. I got my start on Windows Movie Maker, which is now, unfortunately, discontinued, with a much shittier version available to Windows users.

I do know there are a lot of free apps on Mobile, and a quick YouTube or engine search (Google or Firefox) for free software should get you some options.

From there, clear editing advice is all gonna come down to which software you choose to go with, but I do have a few pointers that apply to most, if not all editing to get you started!

1) Audio levels, if you can view them, should stay in the green and yellow zones. Not all software has this option, but some will show you how loud a particular bit of audio is at any given time, represented with several green rectangles, one or two yellow, and a red. If the audio is in the red, that means it's "peaking" and will be too loud.

The reason you wanna look at the visual rather than listen by ear is so that it sounds the same on any device. If you set it depending on how loud you laptop/phone is, then it might be too loud or too soft when you export the final video.

2) If you can, use multiple tracks to edit! Tracks are the lines you drag and drop videos/pictures and audio in. Unless the software only supports one track for each (or even a combined track for both), you can stack clips on top of each other to make timing cuts easier, help with synchronizing with audio, and so much more.

3) If you have the audio and the visuals separated onto two tracks, see if you can't find some kind of tell to make sure they are synced. In films, this is what the clapper is for, the clapper being the board with the striped design on top that they let fall, which makes that loud SMACK! sound before the action starts. It's to help with editing! 🎬

You don't necessarily need a clapper, as something like a snap of the fingers, clap, hit, ect, ANYTHING that makes a loud, definitive noise will suit this purpose. As long as the noise lines up with the frame where contact is made, it'll be synced.

4) Have all your shots laid out in front of you. This is for films moreso than YouTube videos, but if you need to cut between multiple shots, knowing what each of them are beforehand (and which takes you're keeping) is essential to making editing go a lot smoother. I've seen editors who will print out each scene and each shot WITHIN that scene, paste that on their wall, and reference that while editing. That was back in the '70s though, so you may not need to go THAT far, but it never hurts either.

5) If you can, have someone taking notes as you film. This is especially useful for filmmaking. For each shot, have someone sit with the director and write down how each take went-what lines got fumbled, when cut was called early, when takes are good, ECT. This helps GREATLY in editing and will make life SO much easier.

6) Just edit, edit, edit. Doing lots of projects is the one sure-fire way to get good at it. Any software will work to start, but once you know you wanna take it up a notch, already having prior experience will help you get settled in with all the new, flashy features a lot easier.

7) DONT USE ADOBE PRODUCTS. I DONT CARE IF THEYRE "INDUSTRY STANDARD," THEYRE EXPENSIVE AND BAD AND NOT WORTH IT. I personally use Filmora 9, but I've also used Sony Vegas, which is also good. There are other options, don't be fooled.

It's 3:30 AM so I'm sure there's more I could say but my brain is an egg at the moment, lol. But if you have any specific questions, feel free to DM me or comment or something. I love talking about this stuff, as filmmaking is one of my passions.

Good luck to you, and happy editing!